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International Haiti Prisons Under Scrutiny After Mass Breakout
CROIX-DES-BOUQUETS, Haiti — Sep 10, 2014, 8:38 AM ET By DANICA COTO
Time To Go Fishing
3/20/2008 11:37:45 AM
A young man from Jamaica moves to Miami and goes to a big department shopping complex looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience"? The Jamaican young man says, "Yes Boss, mi was a salesman back home on di streets a Kingston ." The boss liked him so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I''ll come down after we close and see how you did." His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?" The Jamaican young man says, "Man, Just ONE sale" The boss says, "Just one? No! No! No! You see here our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. If you want to keep this job, you''d better be doing better than just one sale. By the way, how much was the sale for?" The Jamaican young man says, "£301,237.64" Boss says, "£301,237.64? What the hell did you sell?" The Jamaican young man: "Well Boss, fus mi sell him one little fish hook. Den mi sell him a medium size fish hook. Den mi sell him l big fish hook. Den mi sell him one fishing rod an sum fishing tings. Den mi ask him whey him a go fishing, an him seh dung de coast, so mi tell him sey him a go want one boat, so we go dung a de boating department an mi sell him one twin engine cris craft. Den him seh him nuh think him Honda Civic can pull it, so mi tek him dung a wi automotive department an mi sell him di 4X4 Blazer. Then mi ask him whey him a go sleep, an since him neva have nuh weh, mi tek him dung a di camping department an sell him one a di new 6-sleeper camper tents. Then the man seh, while we deh pon it, mi might as well fling in about a £100.00 wut a groceries and two case ah beer." The boss said, "You''re not serious? A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a Boat, a 4x4 truck and a tent?" The Jamaican young man says, "No sah, him come in yah fi buy one box of tampons fi him wife, and mi tell him seh "Well, since yuh weekend mash up, yuh might jus as well go do some fishing."
The Lady and Cyanide
5/30/2007 11:39:26 PM
A calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy and walked right up to the pharmacist,looked straight into his eyes, and said: - "I would like to buy some cyanide." The pharmacist asked: - "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady replied: - "I need it to poison my husband." The pharmacist''s eyes got big, and he exclaimed: - "Lord, have mercy! I can''t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That''s against the law! I would lose my license! They''ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist''s wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: - "Well, now, that''s different.You didn''t tell me you had a prescription...."
A Lady On Vacation
5/30/2007 10:08:19 AM
A lady goes on vacation to Haiti. Upon arriving, she meets a Haitian man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, "What is your name? "I can''t tell you," the haitian man says. Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he can''t tell her. On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?" "I can''t tell you my name because you will laugh at me." says the haitian man. "There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says. "Fine, my name is Snow!" the haitian man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, and the haitian man gets mad and says," I knew you would make fun of it". The lady replied, "I''m not making fun of your name. I''m thinking of my husband who won''t believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in haiti!"
A Haitian Man and The Loan Officer
5/3/2007 8:17:46 AM
A Haitian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Haiti on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Haitian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The Haitian produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank''s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Haitian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank''s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Haitian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The Haitian tells them: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
4/29/2007 4:41:54 PM
Ti Sonson - True Haitian Comedy - Has Sound - Please press stop button on music player first.
4/29/2007 3:15:08 PM
Ti Zozo - This has sound. Stop music above before playing.
4/29/2007 2:52:33 PM
I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING THE OTHER DAY. I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT UNTIL THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE BACK SEAT....
4/29/2007 2:29:48 PM
NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH
4/29/2007 2:14:08 PM
A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time." The lady can''t take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,"she retorted indignantly. "In this country. we don''t speak aloud in Public places about our sex lives." "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin''abouta sex? I''m a justa tellin'' my frienda how to spell ''Mississippi''.
4/29/2007 2:08:17 PM
For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we''d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There''s no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I''ll be f****d if I''m staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!"
Messages From Users
Child Custody Battle
10/23/2008 5:22:36 AM
A seven year old boy was at the center of a Jamaica Courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that the family unity be maintained to the degree possible. The boy surprised the court however when he proclaimed that, while visiting his aunt during the summer holidays, She beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the West Indies Cricket Team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
JOKE OF THE DAY #3
10/23/2008 5:20:23 AM
Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, It''s me." "Sugar!" "Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I''m at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?" "What''s the price?" "Only $1,500." "Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much." "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60,000!" "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." "What?" "It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It''s on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property..." "How much are they asking?" "Only $650,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..." "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $620,000, OK?" "Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I''ll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye." The man hangs up, closes the phone''s flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
JOKE OF THE DAY #2 (JAMAICAN)
10/23/2008 5:18:13 AM
A little boy goes to his father and asks ''Daddy, how was I born?'' The father answers, ''Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said...you got male!
JOKE OF THE DAY #1 (JAMAICAN)
10/23/2008 5:16:21 AM
The priest in a small Irish village loved his chickens that he kept in the coop behind the church. One Sunday morning before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about the cock fights in the village, so he decided to question his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked his congregation, ''Has anybody got a cock?'' All the men stood up. ''No, no, that wasn''t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?'' All the women stood up. ''No, no, that wasn''t what I meant either. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn''t belong to them?'' Half the women stood up ! ''No, no, no, that wasn''t what I meant. What I really really mean is, has anybody seen MY cock?'' Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up!
6/15/2008 12:27:58 AM
A guy driving 80mph on a 35mph zone was stopped by the police. The officer asked him "why are you driving ovr the limit?" The guy answered "I did see you"
5/23/2008 11:54:08 PM
Haitian V Speaks On Liquor
10/25/2007 5:23:59 PM
Haitian V''s Message To Phatfffat
10/25/2007 5:22:23 PM
Haitian V Speaks On Rap Music
10/25/2007 5:20:16 PM
10/15/2007 11:07:47 PM
Yon neg kap moute yon bekann ki pral Kafou. Pandan nan rout, yon fey tol koupe tet li. Se le'' li rive lakay, la''l gad nan miwa, li pa we'' tet li epi li pran rele anmwey!
9/22/2007 12:30:23 PM
SICK LEAVE I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who''s blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my coworker (the Blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, "And where do you think you''re going?" (You''re gonna love this...) (Trust me) She said, "I''m going home too, I can''t work in the dark!"
8/11/2007 10:29:26 PM
8/11/2007 10:29:14 PM
8/3/2007 4:10:57 AM
8/3/2007 4:07:59 AM
Mujo comes to hotel in United States , and the receptionist ask him: -First name? -Mujo -Last Name? -Avdic -SEX? -Once a week -No, no... Male or Female ? - Male, female, sometimes sheep....
amazing funny tv commercial - that hurts
7/10/2007 10:55:17 AM
Sweedish Condom Commercial
7/10/2007 10:49:52 AM
Condom Ad - Chewing Gum
7/10/2007 10:47:15 AM
7/6/2007 1:30:38 AM
Add to My Profile
7/6/2007 1:22:47 AM
Add to My Profile
7/5/2007 7:59:06 AM
Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating. "Is is beef?" The daughter Katie asked. "Nope." "Is it pork?" the son Willie asked. "Nope." "Heck, we don''t know, Dad!" Willie exclaimed. "I''ll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It''s what your mom sometimes calls me." "Spit it out, Willie!" cried Katie, "We''re eating Asshole!!"
iF YOU NEED A SINGLE ROOM NEXT SEMESTER (Ways to confuse a roommate)
7/5/2007 7:49:41 AM
These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself. 115. Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with fear for a few days. Then stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and whispering to your roommate, "Psst! Is it gone?"
7/5/2007 7:18:49 AM
Poof goes to see a doctor: "Doctor, doctor, I''ve got HIV! Can you do anything for me?". Doctor says: "Certainly," gets out his prescription pad and starts writing, "here''s a prescription for some castor oil and heavy-duty liquid laxatives; take half a little of each, every morning for the next two weeks". Poof asks: "Will this cure me of HIV?". Doctor: "No, but after this, you''ll know what your ass was designed for".
7/2/2007 10:55:01 PM
A physically large guy meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See there, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of Dynamite!" She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder''s pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs, "See those, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to leave?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
7/2/2007 10:51:50 PM
A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. in front of him he see''s a big jar full of change and a little card that reads: Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh. COST $5 So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he pissed on the floor. So the guy takes the money and leaves. The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see''s the horse and the jar, this time it says: You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST $10 So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom. Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had. So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?" The guy says "The first time I told him my dick was bigger than his and the second time I showed him and I fucked the shit out of him!"
Captain and First Officer
7/2/2007 10:41:19 PM
It was the first time they had flown together, and it was obvious by their silence that they didn''t get along. After 30 minutes, the Captain finally spoke. He said, "I don''t like Chinese." The First Officer replied, "Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why that?" The Captain said, "You bombed Pearl Harbour. That''s why I don''t like Chinese." The First Officer said, "Nooooo, noooo ... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbour. That JAPANESE, not Chinese." And the Captain answered, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese ... it doesn''t matter. They''re all alike." Another 30 minutes of silence. Finally the First Officer said, "No like Jew." The Captain replied, "Why not? Why don''t you like Jews?" "Jews sink Titanic." The Captain tried to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn''t sink the Titanic, it was an iceberg." "Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, Spielberg ... no mattah ... all same."
7/2/2007 10:34:30 PM
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.",replied Johnny. "''cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nevously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."
7/2/2007 10:32:49 PM
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word ''beautiful'' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ''Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!''"
7/2/2007 10:26:28 PM
There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home. When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What''s this?" She replies "A cock." He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question. She replies "A cock". He is angry because she seemed more pure than the first but, oh well. A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won''t go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house. He whips it out and asks, "What is this?" She giggles and says "A pee-pee." He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says, "That''s your pee-pee." He finally breaks down and says "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a cock." She laughs and says "No it''s not, a cock is ten inches long and black."
5/28/2007 11:30:28 AM
5/11/2007 12:39:22 PM
5/5/2007 1:38:17 AM
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I''m the Designated Decoy."
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